When it comes to smuggling melons, we like them big, firm and natural. We believe that breasts are truly a gift – not only are they fun to look at/play with/suckle on, but they can propel their bearer chest-first, into a heady world of top-heavy stardom. And rightly so. But in our book, whilst it may be true that whacking great bazongas can get you far, especially in Hollywood, if they ain’t real, pass on that feel… or something like that. Anyway, we’ve decided to honor those glorious specimens who have resisted the knife to rock a fresh, firm
natural look. We salute you!
10. Kim Kardashian
Cup: 32-DD
These stonking bazookas belong to model and actress, Kim Kardashian, and you can easily see why she has quickly gained acceptance as a premier socialite on the scene. If you’d like to see these badboys in action you’re in luck – you can check them out in the leaked celebrity sex tape she made with boyfriend, Ray J. Quickly… to Google!
9. Salma Hayek
Cup: 36-C
As one blogger pointed out, Salma Hayek’s new baby is very lucky indeed. Why? Because she just bought it the latest pathetic fad toy? No, Captain Moron, because it gets to suck on her massive jugs. Hottie Megan Fox recently declared she wanted Hayek’s boobs: ‘I really want her boobs. I really, really do.’ By all means, crack on Megan. If it means that much to you, we’ll even watch.
8. Jennifer Love Hewitt
Cup: 36-C
Jenniffer Love Hewitt has said she is happy for men to stare at her funbags as it distracts them from body parts she is less proud of: ‘It makes me laugh – there’s a hundred other body parts that I feel completely insecure about and would rather no one ever talked about. So if they focus on breasts, it’s fine with me! My breasts have a career of their own.’ Yes… I think that’s what they call in the military, a pre-emptive strike.
7. Gisele Bundchen
Cup: 36-C
If you like bouncy supermodel milk factories, you have come to the right place my friend. Check out these glorious examples on Gisele Bundchen. Dubbed the ‘Boobs from brazil’ in 2000, newspapers ‘blamed’ her for 36,000 breast augmentations performed in Brazil that year. Not much of a crime, really. Sadly Gisele has since had them ‘done’, but we thought her simply too good to leave off the list.
6. Halle Berry
Cup: 36-C
There’s no denying these are pretty monster, although admittedly these are pregnancy boobs. They rather suit her, we think (but we would, wouldn’t we?). British TV presenter, Jonathan Ross, admitted mid-conversation whilst interviewing Halle that he was unable to concentrate due to the killer cleavage that was on display. He then busted out that immortal get-out clause, that every man should memorize and use as a get out of jail free card: ‘If you have them out on the shelf, we’re going to have a look…’. Genius.
5. Jessica Simpson
Cup: 34-D
There seems to be a lot of debate on the net about exactly what size Jessica Simpson’s knockers really are – although it must be said, mostly amongst people who have more Facebook friends than real friends. We have come up with a quick, easy and immensely pleasurable way to answer this profoundly significant question. Yes maybe we’re mad, but we have volunteered ourselves as testers to determine the size of Jess’s hooters once and for all, on behalf of all you sad little pervs out there. Strangely, none of her people have called yet… wtf!?
4. Tyra Banks
Cup: 34-C
Fake or real? Ummm… fake or real… fake or real… we’ll have to take a good, hard look in the flesh to answer that one. As far as we are aware they are real and Tyra herself has denied any surgery, although we admit they are a little suspect. Anyway, these are super smooth, pert, very round, and with the perfect cleavage gap. They’re also on our Christmas list.
3. Marisa Miller
Cup: 34-D
Marisa recently became a Victoria’s Secret Angel, to her great surprise: ‘I remember seeing on casting sheets, ‘No girls over a B-cup’. I was like, well, that’s not me!’ No you blonde-big-boobed airhead, that certainly is not you. She went on: ‘I have to find my own niche. I am who I am, and I found people who love that.’ Yes, think you found your ‘niche’ Marisa. Boobs. We only wonder if she counts owning over 7,000 photos of her as ‘love’.
2. Heidi Klum
Cup: 36-C
Are Heidi Klum’s boobs real. Yes they are. Are they available by mail order over the internet for a small fee? Sadly not. Possessing nearly the perfect set of natural globes, Heidi Klum is the epitome of the blonde German babe with massive hooters. One tip though Heidi: stop putting those damn arms in the way, you tease – it’s not sporting. And that goes for the rest of you too.
1. Scarlett Johansson
Cup: 34-DD
The good news: blonde bombshell, Scarlett, officially has the best boobs in Hollywood. The even better news: these killer lady humps are totally, 100% natural. The super exciting, wet yourself news: they are so large she treats them as separate entities from herself and refers to them as ‘her girls’! The bad news: you will never touch them.
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